i have returned to the land of... well, my past self. i feel so dramatic saying that, but it will all be explained momentarily. wow. three past journal entries stick out from the long list beside this box. august 11th, 24th & september 1st. twenty-two, ten & one day before I moved to London. It seems so long ago.

While packing to leave for school, I somehow managed to "lose" a journal (I believe my step-mother took it for some reason, although I'm unsure as to why..). The point of this is, tonight, whilst looking for decorations I used to have up in my room, I found it. As I flipped through the few pages of writing that were in there (it was a fairly new journal), I realized how different I was back then.

i burn the midnight oil
for thelast time in this era.
a time spent with friends
& a healthy side order of stress.
remember the days
spent hanging out & talking?
skipping class at the pizza place?
hanging out with a familiar face?
grades nine through twelve change us.
spend four years together
& watch the progression
from prepubescent little boys & girls
to full grown men & women;
responsible beings, each with a future.
remember the ones loved & lost
(no matter how cliche the phrase)
forget what you've learned
but remember who you learned it from.
who you've been these past years
doesn't matter now.
memories are but a book
you've read & lost.
don't live your life by them.

I don't remember writing that, but I did. June 28th, 2006. 12:55am. I remember pretty much everything I've written - even if it was written in a... state. But this, I can't remember. Actually, going through this book, there is only one piece I can remember writing. It was written towards the end of the summer about a boy. It killed my creative dry spell... & then dried me back out.

I guess I've just been realizing lately how much I've changed as a person & as a writer. Mostly the latter since I barely write anymore. Sometimes I think it's because of stress & lack of time, other times I wonder if it's because I feel I don't have anything interesting to say. Whatever it is, I think I have to start pushing myself to write every day.

Well, I'm going to go do some more laundry & knit a bit.

Happy Holidays, All.


michelle.